A Life Among the Clouds

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Frustration

on October 22, 2026

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An Unhappy Birthday

I made it through July 13th. And the entire day I couldn't function. I must've cried more than I did anything else that day. I miss my girls. I wish I had gotten to meet them. I wish Brian had gotten to meet them. Mommy misses you Sarah and Ashleigh. I miss you more than anyone right now. Brian and I have started to become better friends to each other. He's really putting in effort, but now I'm not sure I am anymore. I'm heart-broken. I want more than just his friendship, but I know that isn't possible, so I've given up on having anything more than friendship with him. Now, I'm even more upset because he recently told me that he had considered us dating and dismissed it. My heart has been shredded into fragments that are unrecognizable. I feel numb towards him. It hurts, but his friendship is important to me. So I won't let him know any of this. I've began focusing on making my life more meaningful, in the hopes of filling this emptiness. I b...

Why We Lie

Up until now, I never noticed how dependent I've been on my boyfriend. We're so serious about each other. So young. Well, I'm serious about us. It's hard to read him most of the time. I'm getting better at it, but my baby has a face of stone sometimes. That amazing smile of his could be just as fake as silicone implants. He has a pinched nerve. He found out a few months after he turned twenty. I know he's always in pain. My grand mom has the exact same thing and she's more than thirty years older. So why does he feel the need to lie to me about his pain? I guess it's the same reason I lie about my depression or how I feel about him. I don't want him to feel helpless or scared or alone. What's the point in telling someone you're in pain when you know they can't cure your suffering, whether it be physical, emotional, or mental? That's why I lie. The facade of happiness, the fake smiles, forced laughter, and playful banter are no...

South Street: A Day with my Boyfriend's would-be Doppelganger

Yesterday was the AmeriCorps Launch at the National Constitution Center. I was already tired from the day before. A few colleagues and I participated in the 5 mile Making Strides for Breast Cancer walk around the Philadelphia Museum of Art. It was more fun than I expected. It turns out some of my colleagues are awesome outside of work and I'd love to hang out with them for hours. I can see some friendships forming already. Anyway, I was already tired from all that walking. So, I had decided from the moment I'd left the house, the day was going to be horrible. I was half right. The Negatives: My ex-bf James showed up My feet hurt like hell from walking more than 5 miles the day before I was working on my day off, which meant I'd be busy until 25th. The Positives: The presentation for the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution were both so graphic that you would've thought the speaker was a magician. It was that nice. I had my entourage to protect m...

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